Thursday, 29 November 2007
Mother's lexicon
this is so hilarious.. the things that a mother will say. got me thinking about what my mum usually says to me. recently, now that i'm married and out of the house, here are a few things she says to me repeatedly. these are like indicators of the kind of relationship we have.
1. how are you?
2. don't work so hard.
3. When are you taking me out for lunch?
4. Please remember to pay for the petrol and my allowance.
5. my allowance is due - you have not given me yet.
6. your husband never does ABCDE for me or your dad
7. i don't want to talk about your sis.
8. anything special to drink/snack at your place?
hehe. ya i am not a nice person all the time. well, and neither is my mum. :)
Wednesday, 28 November 2007
just taken my shower and letting my hair dry before i go to sleep. i was thnking of how i stopped being jealous about my colleague a week ago. when i became jealous, there was a part of me that knew this feeling/emotion was wrong and potentially harmful to myself both spiritually and physically. it was a strange burning in my heart and everything that i saw was shaded with my jaded complex. but i could not simply will myself to stop feeling that way. so i cried out to the Lord to help me.
But it didn't simply go away immediately. As I wrestled with my emotions, i came to this curious conclusion. It was useless denying that i wanted what my colleague had and pretending that the desire did not have me at all. This desire has always been the motivation of my life and it has led me to do foolish.. and great things as well. it's like a cornerstone of my life and i might be presumptious to add but i'll say it anyway, that He made me this way to live and to want this thing. And i won't trade it for anything else.
So i wanted this thing that my colleague had badly. But how was i going to get it? Will i always live in jealousy and frustration? Well staring into the barrel of the gun, i knew what i had to do. The thought was like a drop of dew, crystal clear in the morning light. for some time now, i've been standing at a sort of crossroads in my career path. 2 opportunities had been laid before me in the middle of the year and at that point in time, i did not know which one to take up on. But this curious incident with jealousy has made me realise what is important to me. This thing that was given to my colleague was the very same thing i treasured and formed the core of my being. And only 1 of the 2 opportunities in my life would lead me to gain this thing. so now, i know which opportunity to choose if it presents itself again in the future.
And with that thought, i was no longer aching with jealousy and pale with frustration. i know i sound like i'm exaggerating and may be i am. but i'm a person who tears easily at songs and prayers or even a kind word. so i'm used to being emotional and it was like a burden rolled off my shoulders and i was free to sing and be thankful.
such incidents like these make me stand in awe of God. sure, it is a small miracle to overcome a lil emotion like jealousy but i think it's more than just being an overcomer. Not only was i no longer jealous, i gained a clearer vision of my destiny and then, even in the shower, i was meditating on my colleague and all his/her virtues and realising how i can learn so much from him/her to be a better teacher. i think this is a small fragment, a tiny taste of what it must feel like to be more than a conqueror. it's not just about scaling incredible mountains of inquity and shouting at the walls of jericho - that is not enough for someone who is more than a conqueror. not only is sin and the old nature dealt with, one is also able to rise above the situation and take over the land in the name of God. we are not just conquerors but we are builders, makers and craftsmen of this new city of God.
ah... there is still some hope in all of us yet.
But it didn't simply go away immediately. As I wrestled with my emotions, i came to this curious conclusion. It was useless denying that i wanted what my colleague had and pretending that the desire did not have me at all. This desire has always been the motivation of my life and it has led me to do foolish.. and great things as well. it's like a cornerstone of my life and i might be presumptious to add but i'll say it anyway, that He made me this way to live and to want this thing. And i won't trade it for anything else.
So i wanted this thing that my colleague had badly. But how was i going to get it? Will i always live in jealousy and frustration? Well staring into the barrel of the gun, i knew what i had to do. The thought was like a drop of dew, crystal clear in the morning light. for some time now, i've been standing at a sort of crossroads in my career path. 2 opportunities had been laid before me in the middle of the year and at that point in time, i did not know which one to take up on. But this curious incident with jealousy has made me realise what is important to me. This thing that was given to my colleague was the very same thing i treasured and formed the core of my being. And only 1 of the 2 opportunities in my life would lead me to gain this thing. so now, i know which opportunity to choose if it presents itself again in the future.
And with that thought, i was no longer aching with jealousy and pale with frustration. i know i sound like i'm exaggerating and may be i am. but i'm a person who tears easily at songs and prayers or even a kind word. so i'm used to being emotional and it was like a burden rolled off my shoulders and i was free to sing and be thankful.
such incidents like these make me stand in awe of God. sure, it is a small miracle to overcome a lil emotion like jealousy but i think it's more than just being an overcomer. Not only was i no longer jealous, i gained a clearer vision of my destiny and then, even in the shower, i was meditating on my colleague and all his/her virtues and realising how i can learn so much from him/her to be a better teacher. i think this is a small fragment, a tiny taste of what it must feel like to be more than a conqueror. it's not just about scaling incredible mountains of inquity and shouting at the walls of jericho - that is not enough for someone who is more than a conqueror. not only is sin and the old nature dealt with, one is also able to rise above the situation and take over the land in the name of God. we are not just conquerors but we are builders, makers and craftsmen of this new city of God.
ah... there is still some hope in all of us yet.
Thursday, 22 November 2007
the moon is a harsh mistress
i have not heard this in the longest time. finally took out the cd and played it on a lazy afternoon. for the first time in the longest while, i just closed my eyes and let my mind drift with and in-between the notes. it's such a haunting melody in my mind. if there was any tune that could possibly represent me, like how colours or even book titles/characters represent people, this would be the song. the lyrics are not exactly uplifting but hey life is an inspiration with all of its ups and downs. had a few downs today about work but talking to my hubs really helps. and there's also this beautiful melody. sigh.. bliss
"See how she flies,
Golden sails across the sky,
Close enough to touch,
But careful if you try,
The moon, she looks as warm as gold,
the moon's a harsh mistress,
the moon can be so cold.
once the sun did shine,
Lord, it felt so fine,
the moon a phtantom rose,
thru the mountains and the pines,
and then the darkness fell,
the moon's a harsh mistress,
it's hard to love her well
Tuesday, 6 November 2007
Here are my reflections on the article 377A. tried to make it as coherent as possible but i've got work to do. Still, i felt it was important for me to think through this issue carefully and blogging about it does help. I'm not sure that this will be of any use to anyone but if you do find it useful and wish to publish it, please ask for my consent first. that's my disclaimer. :)
about 3 weeks ago, the news of the singapore government not repealing 377A was announced and there was much relief on the side where I stand. I remember reading the Straits Times report about this decision by the government and yes, i did make that sigh of relief as well but at the same time, i felt a little queasy. From what i understood of the article and reading in between the lines as well, the government is truly not taking a stand to this issue. Key leaders in the government have at one point or another admitted that being homosexual is something that could probably be inborn and not something that one can be treated for. But other than that, the government remains non-commital to its stand regarding this issue and this makes me uneasy as the issue is hardly solved or sufficiently addressed. One can argue that this is indeed a pragmatic, judicious and political move by the government to not enrage both camps that have been described as extremes and whose voices seem to be even more discordant and enraged as the issue .
But i feel that the government should do more than adopt a cautious and wait-and-see attitude. It is as if it were saying that the problem is too big for us to handle. let's just wait and see and perhaps, cross our fingers, someone else might resolve it for us. I think leadership is the courage to make decisions at crucial moments with conviction and gumption. If the average Singaporean needed a voice or a nudge in the right direction, this would have been the best time to do it but sadly, things took such a turn.
As for my honest opinions about 377A, the whole debate about repealing or maintaining it really made me think about the purpose of the law. deterrent? moral temperament of the country? If it were just these 2 aspects which are the only ones i can think of, 377A is certainly not the embodiment of them. It will certainly act as a deterrent, discouraging and suppressing the gay community here. But what is suppressed cannot be adequately addressed or engaged by the conservatives, the religious, the majority and the liberals. my belief as a christian compels me to reach out to these groups of people with the faith and belief that the Lord will redeem them and renew their minds. Even if they utterly reject such help and label us as judgmental or bias, we still need to reach out to such a group of people whether it be through talks, seminars, therapy sessions or through prayer. and this law does not enable these to happen as people are still afraid of the possibility of being prosecuted if they identify themselves officially as gay.
And as an accurate gauge of the moral temperament of the country, it is woefully inadequate. I cannot imagine living in a country where there is a possibility that i may be prosecuted because of my Christian beliefs. Neither do i think it fair that one should face the possibility of being prosecuted because one is gay, even though the government does repeatedly affirm its position never to prosecute individuals for being gay. Thus, to see 377A as an accurate gauge of the moral climate of this country, it simple is not sufficient.
Speaking of the moral leanings of most moderate singaporeans, i think two articles have reported on this, stating that most singaporeans in general have a live and let live attitude. They may not condone homosexual behaviour but if it is not publicised widely and kept within the covers, they are alright to let things be. And strangely, that's the attitude our government adopts as well. It is not in its interest to stir things up further. Just let things simmer down for awhile and everything will be fine.
But consider the above implications that i had mentioned in the paragraph before. would you want to be prosecuted for your convictions and beliefs? if you had any in the first place? it's a cowardly move and this emphasis on pragmaticism lands us on dangerous ground as i believe that it is in essence a morally ambivalent attitude that in today's world, will not hold ground for long as the happenings around the world will soon divide the world against each other based on morals, ethics and convictions.
That's my vision of the world to come and we need a moral position in this debate to be prepared for what lies ahead. I honestly think that we need to form a panel to review 377A. We should not repeal it immediately without being able to craft a law that not only can truly embody the two characteristics that I have mentioned above but also, give us a headstart in the events of the future. We may not be completely successful in revising the law such that everyone will be satisfied but we must begin to take judicious and cautious steps to address this situation and not sweep it under the covers again.
From a christian perspective, i have always felt that the law is inadequate to express the convictions and beliefs that i have held onto. The law as a tool is myopic in its application as it can only judge or vindicate a person. The law needs to be accompanied by grace in its application such that sin is condemned by the law, conviction arises and the person is saved by grace. Thus, i think i will be one of the few that will not be satisfied even if the law is revised.
Nevertheless, we should commit ourselves to such an endeavor. We should still continue to work for there is still light. The bible says that there will come a time when darkness will cover the earth and men can no longer work. We are so close to such times but while there is still light, there is work to be done.
about 3 weeks ago, the news of the singapore government not repealing 377A was announced and there was much relief on the side where I stand. I remember reading the Straits Times report about this decision by the government and yes, i did make that sigh of relief as well but at the same time, i felt a little queasy. From what i understood of the article and reading in between the lines as well, the government is truly not taking a stand to this issue. Key leaders in the government have at one point or another admitted that being homosexual is something that could probably be inborn and not something that one can be treated for. But other than that, the government remains non-commital to its stand regarding this issue and this makes me uneasy as the issue is hardly solved or sufficiently addressed. One can argue that this is indeed a pragmatic, judicious and political move by the government to not enrage both camps that have been described as extremes and whose voices seem to be even more discordant and enraged as the issue .
But i feel that the government should do more than adopt a cautious and wait-and-see attitude. It is as if it were saying that the problem is too big for us to handle. let's just wait and see and perhaps, cross our fingers, someone else might resolve it for us. I think leadership is the courage to make decisions at crucial moments with conviction and gumption. If the average Singaporean needed a voice or a nudge in the right direction, this would have been the best time to do it but sadly, things took such a turn.
As for my honest opinions about 377A, the whole debate about repealing or maintaining it really made me think about the purpose of the law. deterrent? moral temperament of the country? If it were just these 2 aspects which are the only ones i can think of, 377A is certainly not the embodiment of them. It will certainly act as a deterrent, discouraging and suppressing the gay community here. But what is suppressed cannot be adequately addressed or engaged by the conservatives, the religious, the majority and the liberals. my belief as a christian compels me to reach out to these groups of people with the faith and belief that the Lord will redeem them and renew their minds. Even if they utterly reject such help and label us as judgmental or bias, we still need to reach out to such a group of people whether it be through talks, seminars, therapy sessions or through prayer. and this law does not enable these to happen as people are still afraid of the possibility of being prosecuted if they identify themselves officially as gay.
And as an accurate gauge of the moral temperament of the country, it is woefully inadequate. I cannot imagine living in a country where there is a possibility that i may be prosecuted because of my Christian beliefs. Neither do i think it fair that one should face the possibility of being prosecuted because one is gay, even though the government does repeatedly affirm its position never to prosecute individuals for being gay. Thus, to see 377A as an accurate gauge of the moral climate of this country, it simple is not sufficient.
Speaking of the moral leanings of most moderate singaporeans, i think two articles have reported on this, stating that most singaporeans in general have a live and let live attitude. They may not condone homosexual behaviour but if it is not publicised widely and kept within the covers, they are alright to let things be. And strangely, that's the attitude our government adopts as well. It is not in its interest to stir things up further. Just let things simmer down for awhile and everything will be fine.
But consider the above implications that i had mentioned in the paragraph before. would you want to be prosecuted for your convictions and beliefs? if you had any in the first place? it's a cowardly move and this emphasis on pragmaticism lands us on dangerous ground as i believe that it is in essence a morally ambivalent attitude that in today's world, will not hold ground for long as the happenings around the world will soon divide the world against each other based on morals, ethics and convictions.
That's my vision of the world to come and we need a moral position in this debate to be prepared for what lies ahead. I honestly think that we need to form a panel to review 377A. We should not repeal it immediately without being able to craft a law that not only can truly embody the two characteristics that I have mentioned above but also, give us a headstart in the events of the future. We may not be completely successful in revising the law such that everyone will be satisfied but we must begin to take judicious and cautious steps to address this situation and not sweep it under the covers again.
From a christian perspective, i have always felt that the law is inadequate to express the convictions and beliefs that i have held onto. The law as a tool is myopic in its application as it can only judge or vindicate a person. The law needs to be accompanied by grace in its application such that sin is condemned by the law, conviction arises and the person is saved by grace. Thus, i think i will be one of the few that will not be satisfied even if the law is revised.
Nevertheless, we should commit ourselves to such an endeavor. We should still continue to work for there is still light. The bible says that there will come a time when darkness will cover the earth and men can no longer work. We are so close to such times but while there is still light, there is work to be done.
Monday, 5 November 2007
shanghainese tunes
how i wish i can get this on vinyl. just to hear the crackling sound.. ha i'm such a poseur.
Thursday, 1 November 2007
marriage is such a tricky business. i've heard a few individuals proclaim it as the one thing that has been perfected in their lives and what wonderful bliss they have been enjoying since they married. I don't think i have enough experience to disagree with them. But i would like to think that when they do say such things, i don't think they are lying either. I believe that in their marriage, such people make a conscious decision to see what is wonderful in their relationship. As for those bugbears, they see them as part of the painfully beautiful process of being perfected by the grace of God - the imperfect that magnifies His grace and providence in their marriage. I think you can liken this to most aspects of our lives. sure our bosses are cranky and demanding and the system that we live in and breath in is so rank with corruption and depravity that it threatens to suck the life out of us. And even as all this is true, we still live each day with the hope that He has placed in our hearts like a guarantee, a comfort aflame in the darkness.
you don't need to read in between the lines that tonight i will need some of that divine grace to see what i can't see. and you know in times like these when i'm not feeling too good and feel like turning back, i know that turning back will only lead me to more suffering. so time and time again, i repeatedly say to Him that i trust in Him, believe unto Him. and that is enough to bring some comfort. it's really that simple.
you don't need to read in between the lines that tonight i will need some of that divine grace to see what i can't see. and you know in times like these when i'm not feeling too good and feel like turning back, i know that turning back will only lead me to more suffering. so time and time again, i repeatedly say to Him that i trust in Him, believe unto Him. and that is enough to bring some comfort. it's really that simple.
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